It wasn't until I met a man through Ashley Madison that I was called "beautiful". I had been married since I was twenty and my husband never referred to me as "pretty" or "beautiful" or "hot" and "gorgeous" certainly didn't escape his lips. Ever. He desired me always no matter how much I weighed. If I simply bent over to pick up something he would let me know he was looking. I liked that attention, it helped me forget his lack of dedication to other areas of our lives. We always had a very active and passionate sex life. Now I look back and realize how good sex kept me pacified in a marriage that made no sense.
Mike#3 was the first man I met through A.M.. I wasn't starved for sex , I was starved for stimulation and just normal everyday conversation. OK, the excitement also hooked me. I had no idea if I would be attractive to other men, after all I wasn't thin and was closing in on 44 years old. My body wasn't something to be admired in my mind.
I lucked out when it comes to aging in the face. My career has been spent in the beauty industry where to be successful you must look the part. Recently a gentleman said I was the least vain person he had ever met. I don't want to leave the impression that I am obsessed in any way with being perfect looking. Helping women to feel and look their best is my job.
As usual I am heading into easily distracted. Back to the topic...
The second time I met Mike#3 he called me "beautiful". In my mind , I thought he must be very horny. He said "you must hear that all the time". Well actually, "never" is what I was thinking. He still tells me how hot I am and that if I came into a room wearing a huge sack he would still think I was "gorgeous". I am flattered at my age to be thought of as "hot" but my confidence level doesn't let me believe .
The last time J and I were together he told me I was "gorgeous". I didn't say anything so he followed up with something along the lines of " I am not the only man that thinks that". When J looks at me, he takes me in and his eyes seem to sparkle. I love seeing myself through his eyes. When he writes about me I think "wow! I'd sure like to meet that "me"
In today's critical media, I would not be thought of as "hot" or "beautiful" let alone "gorgeous".
I only hope that someday I will feel "beautiful" inside as well as outside.
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My ex-lover used to think I was "fucking hot", yet when I look at myself, all I see is a normal looking woman. I guess by ourselves, we are all normal, but in front of someone else, then we become different/more?
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